Hello ladies and gents this is Joe to tell you some bad xmas jokes.
1. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
2, What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
3. What's a horse's favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick
5. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's too far to walk
6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
7. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? “One day my prints will come!”
8. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
9. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
10. Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley
11. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
12. How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there's no-el
13. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
14. What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
15. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
16. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Can you smell carrots?”
17. Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred
18. What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
19. What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
20. How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
21. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
22. What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
23. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
24. What do you sing a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
25. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
26. Who's Rudolph's favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
27. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
28. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
29. What's the most popular Christmas wine? “I don't like sprouts!”
30. What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad.
And with that have a chilled day from the viking.
1. Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
2, What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker
3. What's a horse's favourite TV show? Neigh-bours
4. What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick
5. Why do birds fly south in the winter? It's too far to walk
6. What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
7. What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive? “One day my prints will come!”
8. Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
9. What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
10. Who is Santa's favourite singer? Elfis Presley
11. What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve.
12. How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there's no-el
13. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
14. What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
15. Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
16. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Can you smell carrots?”
17. Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred
18. What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
19. What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
20. How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weigh in a manger
21. Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
22. What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
23. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
24. What do you sing a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
25. What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
26. Who's Rudolph's favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
27. Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
28. What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
29. What's the most popular Christmas wine? “I don't like sprouts!”
30. What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad.
And with that have a chilled day from the viking.
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