Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about
TOP 10 CRISP BRANDS
10 - Kettle Chips
A lot of you might be wondering why the Kettle Chip is only in 10th place. No-one can deny the flavour and quality of this crisp, but we all know that anyone eating these in public is trying to show off. Kettle Chips are for people who think they are better than you. They wouldn’t be seen dead eating a Frazzle. That’s social suicide.
9 - Hula Hoops
A crisp that is criminally undervalued. Just because it comes in a smaller packet, it gets written off too quickly. How many other crisps can you fit onto your fingertips and eat them with the flamboyance of a matador? Dinner and a show.
8 - Pom-Bears
I might get some stick for placing this so high up the list, but Pom-Bears are overlooked because of their novelty shape. "Oh, they look like a little bear? I’m not six years old mate." For all of you that won’t buy Pom-Bears for this reason, you’ve missed out on a lovely crisp experience. If you want a crisp that is so light it won’t make you feel guilty for smashing through a 6-pack, this is the one for you.
7 - Monster Munch
We’re getting to the business end of things now. It takes a certain level of commitment to eat a packet of Monster Munch. Once opened, you’re incapacitated and locked in a battle of finger licking and even knuckle sucking until the final bite. Be prepared to clear your schedule.
Note: If don’t choose Pickled Onion flavour, you’re the monster.
6 - Quavers
Admit it, you’ve not had Quavers for a while, have you? You don’t know why you stopped eating them, it just happened. Well, now is the time to rediscover this curly delight.
Top tip: If you want to experience one of the most satisfying feelings known to man, place a load of Quavers in your sandwich and slowly crush them down. Scientists have equated it to 1/8th of an orgasm.
5- Wotsits
They may leave your teeth covered in orange dust and make your hands look like an Essex girl, but you won’t find a cheesier flavour in any other crisp.
Note: A word of advice for crisp amateurs - don’t skimp out and buy a supermarket knock-off Wotsit. I’ve been burned too many times.
4 - Doritos
The versatility of the Dorito is properly impressive. It’s equally at home as a meal deal snack as it is as being the star of the communal sporting event snacks. Why isn’t the Dorito in the top 3? Well, for the simple reason that to reach its true potential, it needs the help of a selection of dips. Unless you carry a pot of salsa in your pocket, you’ll be having an unfulfilled crisp experience.
3 - Walkers
The nation’s most popular crisp only reaches the number three spot. Before you all stab me and light me on fire with your pitchforks and torches, let me explain. Yes, Walkers crisps are arguably the ultimate form of the simple crisp, but you need a bit of X-factor to top this list. Walkers just don’t ‘wow’ me enough. Sorry Mr Linekar.
2 - Pringles
In at number two is the mighty Pringle. Where the rest of the crisp world were too afraid to experiment, down at Pringle HQ, they were playing with fire. They stuck up two fingers and turned the whole industry on its head with crisps in a bloody tube. Genius.
1 - McCoy’s
Here it is ladies and gentlemen… the best packet of crisps in the world. If you’re looking for flavour, you can’t look past a packet of McCoy’s. The chunky corrugated design gives the perfect satisfying crunch to back up the bold flavour. Whether it’s Flamed Grilled Steak or just basic Salted flavour, McCoy’s knocks all other crisps out of the park.
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