JOES JOKES

Hello ladies and gents this is Joe telling you that today we are talking about 

 Christmas jokes to keep you laughing until the New Year:

• What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
• What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days!
• Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
• What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
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• What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school? The elf-abet!
• What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
• What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!
• Why was the turkey in the pop group? Because he was the only one with drumsticks!
• What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
• What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backwards!
• Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
• Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
• What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
• What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps!
• What did Adam say the day before Christmas? “It’s Christmas, Eve!”
• What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
• What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places!
• Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
• What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast? The One Show!
• Why don’t you ever see Santa in hospital? Because he has private elf care!
• How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus’ weight when he was born? They had a weigh in a manger!
• Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!
• How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed!
• What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas? Cross-mouse cards!
• What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!
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• What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree? Nice gnawing you!

And as always have a chilled day from the Viking