LIVING WITH OLD PEOPLE

 Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about

Elderly Behavior Problems and How to Handle Them

We’ve compiled ten “bad” behaviors that older adults commonly exhibit, some of the potential mental and physical causes, and tips for coping with them.

How to Deal With Angry Elderly Parents

Try to identify the root cause of their anger. The aging process is not easy. It can spark resentment in seniors who are living with chronic pain, losing friends, experiencing memory issues, and all the other undignified things that come with getting older.

Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia can also cause these behaviors. With dementia, it is important to remember that the patient doesn’t have full control over their words or actions. As a caregiver, the best thing you can do is not take it personally. Focus on the positive, ignore the negative and take a break from caregiving as often as you can by finding respite care. Get some fresh air, do something you love or call a friend to vent.

Elders often reserve their worst behavior for those they are closest to, like family members. In this case, it may be beneficial to hire in-home care or consider adult day care. Mean, angry behaviors might not surface in front of strangers, and you’ll get a much-needed break while others are handling your loved one’s care needs.

Abusive Behavior

Occasionally, seniors will lash out at the person who is making the biggest effort to ensure their happiness and well-being. Left unchecked, the anger and frustration described above can become so severe that it results in abuse of the caregiver.

Stories of mental, emotional and even physical abuse of family members providing care are all too common. In some cases, abusive behavior may stem from a mental illness, such as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or borderline personality disorder (BPD). In other situations, parents turn on the adult child who is showing the most love because they feel safe enough to do so. They don’t consciously abuse this son or daughter but rather vent their frustrations in an unhealthy way by lashing out.

How to Deal With an Elder’s Abusive Behavior

Try explaining how their behavior makes you feel. However, many caregivers don’t get very far by talking. If the abuse is verbal or emotional, help them realize how much you do for them by stepping back for a while. If your loved one requires supervision and assistance to ensure their safety, then bring in outside help to take over your duties. Removing yourself from the situation may drive home the point that abusive behavior will not be tolerated. Your loved one might come away from the experience with renewed appreciation for what you do. In the meantime, you’ll get some valuable respite.

If physical abuse is the issue, then seek professional help. This may consist of a phone call to the police or adult protective services (APS), attending counselling, or permanently handing over your loved one’s care to a court-appointed guardian, professional caregivers or a long-term care facility.

Refusing to Shower or Bathe

The issue of elders refusing to bathe, change their clothes and maintain good personal hygiene is far more common than most people think. It’s also very frustrating for family caregivers. Sometimes depression is the cause, but another factor could be a desire for control. As people age, they lose more and more control over their lives. However, one thing they generally can control is how they dress and when they shower. It seems the more you nag older adults to take a bath and put on fresh clothes, the more they resist.

Declining senses of sight and smell may be contributing to the problem as well. Our senses dull as we age, so seniors may not detect their own body odor or see how soiled their clothes are. If memory issues are involved, they may lose track of time and not even realize how long it’s been since they last bathed. Lastly, fear and discomfort can play a huge role in their resistance. Many older individuals develop a fear of falling and slipping in the tub, and they are often too embarrassed to ask for help.

Coping With Poor Hygiene in Seniors

The first step is to determine why an elder has stopped bathing. If depression is the cause, speak with their doctor about solutions like therapy and antidepressant medication. If modesty is a problem and the senior doesn’t want a family member helping them bathe, they may be open to having a professional caregiver provide bathing assistance.

If an elder is afraid of the water or slipping in the tub, there are many types of shower chairs, handheld showerheads, grab bars and other senior bathing products that can provide added stability and comfort. Be extra gentle and patient with dementia patients who are afraid of bathing. 

Don’t insist on a full shower or bath. Begin with a small request, like asking if you can simply wipe off their face. As they get used to this, you can gradually add cleaning other parts of the body to your regimen. Be sure to chat with them during the process and let them know what you are doing as you go.

Do your best to keep your parent clean, but keep your expectations realistic. At the end of the day, you may have to lower your standards and adjust your definition of cleanliness. Bathing once or twice a week is usually enough for seniors to avoid skin breakdown and infections.

What to Do When a Senior Refuses to Bathe and Change Their Clothes

“My father refuses to bathe, even though I ask him constantly!”

Excessive Swearing, Offensive Language and Inappropriate Comments

When a senior suddenly begins spouting the worst profanities, using offensive language or saying inappropriate things, family members are often baffled as to why and what they can do about it.

Caregivers have shared countless stories in the forum about elders who used to be mild-mannered and proper suddenly cursing at them or calling them insulting names. When these verbal outbursts happen in private, they’re hurtful; When they happen in public, it’s also embarrassing.

Coping With Verbally Aggressive Behavior in the Elderly

When this behavior is out of character for an elder and gradually gets worse, the start of Alzheimer’s disease or another form of dementia is a likely cause. If the onset is quite sudden, a urinary tract infection is another common culprit. UTIs present very differently in seniors than in younger individuals, and symptoms often include behavioral changes like agitation.

But if dementia is not an issue and a senior is just plain crass, how do you deal with swearing and rudeness? You can try to set firm ground rules for them. Make it perfectly clear that you will not tolerate such language, especially in public settings. A little bit of guilt may be effective in getting them to realize that their behavior is unacceptable and offensive to other people. Try something like, “Dad, if Mom were here right now, she would be appalled by your language,” or, “You would never want your grandchildren to hear you speaking like that, would you?”

When a swearing tirade sets in, another technique is to use distraction. The outburst may end once they’re focused on something else, especially for dementia patients. Try bringing up happy times from the old days. Elders love to reminisce, and prompting them to change the subject and tap into their long-term memory will likely cause them to forget about whatever it is that set them off in the first place. If none of these suggestions work, your best bet is to learn not to take this behavior personally. When a senior becomes hostile, back off, disappear for a little while and wait for it to blow over.

Paranoia, Delusions and Hallucinations

Paranoia and hallucinations in the elderly can take many forms. Seniors may accuse family members of stealing, see people and things that aren’t there, or believe someone is trying to harm them. These behaviors can be especially difficult for caregivers to witness and try to remedy.

How to Handle Symptoms of Mental Health Issues

Hallucinations and delusions in elders are serious warning signs of a physical or mental problem. Keep track of what your loved one is experiencing and when so you can discuss it with their doctor as soon as possible. This behavior could be explained by something as simple as a side effect of a new medication they are taking, or delirium could point to a UTI.

Oftentimes, paranoia and hallucinations are associated with dementia. When this is the case, caregiving experts seem to agree that the best thing to do is go with the flow. Do not try to talk dementia patients out of a delusion. Validation is a good coping technique, because what the elder is seeing, hearing or experiencing is very real to them. Convincing them otherwise is fruitless and may make them more upset. Acknowledge the senior’s concerns and perception of reality in a soothing voice. If they are scared or agitated, redirect them while assuring that they are safe and you will help them through the experience.

and as always have a chilled day from the Viking