JOES JOKES

 Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about 

Funny jokes to share 

 

Gloria M. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for the "Fresh Prints"

Nadeje M. What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeno business.

Franklin C. Why does the golfer wear two pants? Because he's afraid he might get a "Hole-in-one".

Casey M. What's a pirate's favorite letter? (insert: you saying "R") You'd think it'd be the "R" but it's the "C."

Nathan A. Assistant: So what dimensions do the doors, hinges, walls, and locks need to be so that it all fits?

Person who invented public bathroom stalls: Can't stress how unimportant that part is

Jasmine E. A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a............ pint of beer please." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?" The bear replies, "Well, I've always had em!" 

Kat J. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing. 

Matt O. What do you call someone who doesn't like carbs? Lack-Toast Intolerant.

Christine C. A man walks into a bar and it's empty - it's just him and the bartender. He sits down and orders a drink.

He hears someone whisper, "Pssst...I like your tie." The man looks around but doesn't see anyone.

"Pssst...that color looks nice on you."

He asks the bartender, "Excuse me, but...are you speaking to me?"

The bartender rolls his eyes and says, "No, sorry about that. It's the peanuts... they're complimentary."

Sinan W. Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper?  He wanted to live in the present.

Kusum C. What does a house wear? A dress. 

Caleb C. Arnold Schwarzenegger goes back to Austria for his Easter Break.

When he returns to California his friend says to him, "Arnie, I hear you went back home to Austria for Easter. How was it?"

To which Arnie replied [in Arnie voice]: "Oh it was terrible! My father, he ruined the Easter Egg hunt, he put all of the eggs in awful places and nobody could find any eggs and quite generally we all had an awful day."

His colleague then says, "Oh Arnie that's no good at all, I'm sorry to hear! Does that mean you don't love easter anymore?"

Arnie [Very important to read in Arnie voice]: "Oh no of course not - I still love Easter, baby."

Jared E. Knock knock. Who’s there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.

Chatu A. A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer."

The man then asks about the next parrot and learns that it costs $1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot, only to be told that it costs $2,000 dollars.

Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the owner replies,

"To be honest I have never seen it do anything but the other two call him boss!"

Eloi L. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.

And as always have a chilled day from the Viking