Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about
Texas Jokes
Q. What's the difference between a University of Houston sorority sister and a scarecrow? A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Austin? A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Arlington? A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Why do University of Houston grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Houston campus? A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Texas Tech University library? A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours. Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention? Their placard read: 'We love Taxes'.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Texas's football dorm that destroyed 20 books? A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What does the average Texas Tech University student get on his SAT? A: Drool.
Q: Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in Texas? A: Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over UT? A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: Why are there so many unsolved murders in Texas? A: There are no dental records and everyone has the same DNA
Q: How many Texas Tech freshman does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: What does a Red Raiders grad call a Longhorns grad in 5 years? A: Boss! I'm not saying Baylor basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game. The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in Jones AT&T Stadium? A: Two Red Raiders fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the Texas regents decide to cover Texas Memorial Stadium in cardboard? A: Because the Longhorns always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Louisiana to Texas? A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't UTEP cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Oklahoma lean south? A: Texas Sucks Q: What does a girl from Austin do if she's not in bed by 10pm? A: Go Home.
Q: Why do Texas A&M Aggies basketball players use body heat activated deodorant? A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do Houston Cougars students have such beautiful noses? A: They're hand picked.
Q: Why did Texas disband its water polo team? A: All the horses drowned.
Q: What's the difference between a North Texas diploma and toilet paper? A: About $50,000 per sheet.
Q: What does it say on the back of every North Texas diploma? A: Will Work For Food.
Q: Why did the UTEP grad cross the road? A: Better question why is he out of jail?
Q: How does a dumb blonde get into college? A: She applies to Texas El Paso.
Q: Why did the Longhorns change their uniforms to Orange? A: So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
Q: What's the one thing that keeps Baylor Bears basketball players from graduating? A: Going to Class.
Q: Why did the Longhorns football team cross the road? A: Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
Q: How is a Houston girl different from a bowling ball? A: Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
Q: What do Longhorns grads use for Birth Control? A: Their personalities.
Q: How do you break a North Texas grads finger? A: Punch him in the nose.
And as always have a chilled day from the Viking
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