JOES JOKES

Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about 

A farmer had three daughters

And they all three had dates planned for this evening. The farmer got his shotgun out to clean as well for added intimidation for the gentlemen callers.

At 5PM there was a knock on the door, so the farmer answered it with his shotgun in tow.

A young man was standing in the stoop, and said, "Hi, I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going to go and eat some spaghetti, is she ready?"

The farmer scratched his chin, but turned around and called for Betty, who zipped down the stairs, kissed her father on the cheek and was gone.

The farmer continued to clean his shotgun until 6PM when there was another knock on the door. The farmer answered the door with shotgun in tow.

There was, again, a young gentleman on the stoop. He said to the farmer, "Hey! My name is Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo. We're going to see a show, is she ready to go?"

The farmer again scratched his chin, but turned and called for Flo, who hurried down the stairs, kissed her father's cheek and left with Joe.

The farmer returned back to his chair cleaning his shotgun.

At 7PM there was a rap upon the door. The farmer stood and carried his shotgun to the door and answered, where there was once again a gentleman caller on the stoop.

The gentleman began, "Hello, my name is Chuck-"

**BANG**

The farmer shot him.

A daughter asks her father, “Dad, what are your views on abortion?”

Her father replies, “Why don’t you ask your sister.”

Daughter replies, “But I don’t have a sister….. oh”

I had an idea for a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches for his kidnapped daughter in Paris.

Turns out that idea was taken. I then had another idea for a movie where the same agent is kidnapped with his ex-wife in Istanbul, but it turns out that one was taken too.

My daughter informed me that the earth is tilted at a 23.5 degree angle

I responded, “That’s not right.”

With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle.

“Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”

I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?

Homework.

My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies"

You drop the "y" and add "ies".

A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet!

Well, it was an immediate hit.

They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did.

There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, "Why the black panties?"

She replied "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning."

He knew he was not going to get lucky that night.

The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked, "What's with the black condom?"

He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences.