Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about
California Jokes
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Oakland? A: The Crime Rate!
Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles? A: UCLA
Q: What's the only thing that grows in Compton? A: The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
Q: Did you hear about the two California Valley Girls who froze to death in a drive-in movie? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter."
Q: Where do find missing angels? A: Lost Angeles
Q: Why did the California Gurl resolve to have only 3 children? A: She heard that one out of every four children born in the world is Chinese
Q: Why are people surprised by a Sociologists predictions that San Francisco's birth rate will decline sharply this decade? A: Most people didn't know San Francisco had a birth rate!
Q: Why were many celebrities including Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton all hospitalized yesterday in Los Angeles? A: An apparent allergic reaction to fresh air!
Q: Did you hear about the California Gurls that went to Disneyland? A: They were driving down the freeway and saw a sign Disneyland Left; so they went home.
Q: Did you hear about the University of Second Choice? A: Only Spoiled Children and Student Criminals go there.
Q: Where do waffles go on vacation? A: Sandy Eggo.
Q: How do you know your at a restaurant in San Francisco? A: There's condom machines in both restrooms! Someone should tells those kids at USC that OxiClean removes mustard and ketchup stains.
Q: Why was Arnold Schwarzenegger the best governor of his time? A: Because he could explain the Bush administration's positions on civil liberties in the original German!
Q: Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger inspire George W Bush to become president? A: Because Arnold proved you can be a successful politician in this country even if English is your second language!
Q: Why do USC Trojans keep their diplomas on their dashboards? A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you call a California governor who can't keep his hands to himself? A: Boobengrabber. (nickname for Arnold Schwarzenegger)
Q: Where in California does everyone have minty fresh breath? A: Sacra-mentos.
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the San Diego State library? A: Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in USC's football dorm that destroyed 20 books? A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been coloured yet.
Q: Why did Forrest Gump choose 'Bama over UCLA? A: He wanted an academic challenge!
Q: What does an USC grad call an UCLA grad in 5 years? A: Boss! I'm not saying San Diego State basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game. The rest will dress themselves.
Q: Why is "The Wave" banned in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum? A: Two USC fans drowned last year.
Q: Why did the University of Southern California regents decide to cover Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in cardboard? A: Because the Trojans always look better on paper.
Q: What happens when blondes move from Oregon to California? A: Both states become smarter!
Q: Why aren't San Diego State cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? A: They stick to the ground.
Q: Why do all the trees in Arizona lean west? A: California Sucks
Q: What does a girl from USC do if she's not in bed by 10pm? A: Go Home.
Q: Why do USC basketball players use body heat activated deodorant? A: Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
Q: Why do San Diego State students have such beautiful noses? A: They're hand picked.
And as always have a chilled day from the Viking
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