Hello ladies and gents this is Joe lets have a laugh
England Jokes and Puns
How does every English joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee.
What do you call London without electricity?
Londoff.
What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
Fish and ships.
My father is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London.
He works around the clock.
Did you know that Shakespeare once made a performance about puns?
It was a play on words.
Remember when Britain was still part of the EU?
I still remember it like it was yesterday.
What did Shakespeare eat for lunch?
Caesar salad.
A woman just fainted whilst riding The London Eye.
She’s slowly coming round.
I bought some new “London Bridge Jeans.”
They keep falling down.
What’s the largest export of Great Britain?
Independence days.
The past tense of William Shakespeare
Wouldiwas Shookspeared.
What did America say to Britain when it fell over?
U.K.?
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Why don’t Americans spell “color” like “colour?”
It was their way of telling Great Britain that they don’t need u.
Brits prefer brooms over vacuum cleaners when it comes to cleaning their floors.
But that might be a sweeping generalization.
What do you call someone who is only kind of from Britain?
Brit-ish.
How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit?
No Brussels!
What did Britain say to its trade partners?
See EU later.
What do Great Britain and bad houseguests have in common?
They take forever to leave…
What do the Brits eat for breakfast?
Cheerios ‘ol chap.
What do you call a restaurant that only serves pancakes?
All Day Brexit.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there? Doctor! Doctor who? That’s a great T.V. show, isn’t it?
“What is black and white and red all over? An English steak hideously overcooked and ruined further by the addition of ketchup and mayonnaise.” — Marcel Lucont
What do you call an Australian visiting England on vacation?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
And as always have a chilled day from the Viking
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