JOES JOKES

 Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about 

Hilarious Cruise Jokes To Make You Laugh

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Ahoy mateys! Are ye in the mood for some swashbuckling humour?

Look no further, ye’ve come to the right port! I’ve searched high and low, from the poop deck to the crow’s nest, to bring ye the funniest cruise ship jokes that won’t make ye walk the plank. So sit back, grab a pint of grog and prepare for a good laugh, just don’t blame me if ye end up with a bad case of the giggles!

I’ve left out the really bad ones and the adult ones, leaving just the funniest clean jokes about cruising.

If you like these cruise jokes, take a look at this list of the best cruise memes, they’re just like jokes, but with pictures.

1. Spring break

A group of college kids went on a booze cruise for spring break. The ship sank and the young men escaped in a small lifeboat. They floated for several days but nobody came to rescue them.

Eventually, delirious from a lack of fluid, one of the men noticed a bottle floating in the water. He reached over and picked it out. Suddenly, a genie emerged from the bottle with a loud whoosh.

“I am a genie and I can grant you one wish!” said the genie.

“That’s a no-brainer!” The frat boy said. “I wish the ocean were made of beer!”

The genie immediately granted the wish and then vanished,

“You idiot!” said the second kid. “Now we have to pee in the boat!”

2. Playing cards

Q: Why couldn’t the cruisers play cards?

A: Because they were standing on the deck!

3. Castaway

A cruise ship passenger is looking out to sea when he sees a small island. On the island, he spots a thin, suntanned man, with wild hair. He can see the man jumping up and down and waving.

The passenger turns around and sees the Captain, so he draws his attention to the man.

“Captain, what’s up with that guy?”

The Captain shrugs his shoulders.

“No idea. He’s always that happy when we sail past.”

4. Two oceans

Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

A: Nothing, it just waved.

5. The nervous cruiser

A very nervous first-time cruiser met the captain at the welcome reception.

“Do ships like this sink very often?” he asked.

“No,” said the captain. “Usually it’s just the once.”

6. Sunbathing and reading

Two cruise passengers are lounging on sun beds, reading books. One notices that the other is reading a Che Guervara book.

The other passenger turns to him and asks

“Have you read Marx?”

“Yes”, he replied. “I think it’s from sitting on these deck chairs so long.”

7. The booze cruise

On the last night of the cruise, it’s discovered that there’s been a miscalculation with the food. Just before dinner, the captain announces over the loudspeaker…

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. I’m sorry to inform you that there are 2,000 passengers on board, but only enough food for 1,000 people. However, we do have plenty of drinks, so anyone who is willing to give up their meal will receive free drinks for the rest of the cruise.”

A few hours later, the captain makes another announcement…

“I apologise, but it appears that we have run out of alcohol. However, if anyone is hungry, we do still have 1,000 meals available.”

8. The magician and the parrot

A magician worked on a cruise ship, performing the same tricks each week for new passengers.

The captain’s pet parrot came to all the shows and figured out how the tricks worked. He began to shout out during the shows. “It’s up his sleeve”, and suchlike, spoiling the illusions.

The magician was annoyed but couldn’t do anything as the parrot belonged to the captain.

One night, the ship sank. The magician found himself stranded on a desert island, along with the parrot. The stared at each other with hatred for days, neither uttering a word.

Finally, after three days, the parrot couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Okay, I give up”, he said. “What did you do with the ship?”

9. The cabin steward

My cabin steward is amazing! I went to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and my bed has been made!

10. Scotch and water

A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and asks for a Scotch with two drops of water.

She says: “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today!”

“Congratulations!” says the bartender. “This one’s on me.”

As she finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, “I’d like to buy you a drink too”

“Thank you, ” says the lady. “I’ll have another Scotch with two drops of water”.

The man to her left says, “I’d like to buy you a birthday drink too”.

So the old lady orders yet another Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gave her the drink, he asked the lady, “I’m so curious. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?

The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue!”

And as always have a chilled day from the Viking