JOES JOKES

 Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about 

funniest jokes and one-liners from North West comedians on Lancashire Day

It's Lancashire day! And we're celebrating everything that makes our corner of the north-west great

The annual celebration of all things Lanky is expected to see more people than ever raising a glass in tribute to the Red Rose county.

Last year the campaign to highlight Lancashire Day went viral on social media, reaching an estimated audience of 173m - almost 100m more than 2017. And this year the chances are it could attract an even bigger response.

From Eric Sykes to Stan Laurel, Victoria Wood to Peter Kay, that Lancashire sense of humour has been alive and well in comedy for years.

We've picked out four of the best Lancashire comedians past and present, and selected some of their finest lines to keep you smiling on this fine day.

"There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something."

"You never know where to look when eating a banana."

"Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?"

"I think animal testing is a terrible idea - they get all nervous and give the wrong answers."

"A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals."

"A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, 'Sorry we don't serve food in here.'"

"So this bloke says to me, 'Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?' I thought, "'That's all I need - a Je-hoover's witness.'"

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me."

"A friend of mine got knocked down by a mobile library. He was lying in the road screaming and the driver got out and said, 'Shh!'"

"So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins, I thought, 'That's a turtle disaster.'

And as always have a chilled day from the Viking