JOES JOKES

 Hello ladies and gents this is the Viking telling you that today we are talking about 

I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa

• Your mom and I let astrology get between us. It just Taurus apart.
• I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.
• RIP, boiling water. You will be mist.
• A guy walked into a bar, and lost the limbo contest.
• Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
• Two peanuts went walking down the street. One was assaulted.
• I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed!
• I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
• Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• Every time I take my dog to the park, the ducks try to bite him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
• 6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down.
• Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean.
• I wanted to eat a watch for lunch, but it was too time-consuming.
• My dog is a genius. I asked him, "What's two minus two?" He said nothing.
• I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
• I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know what comes first.
• I’m friends with almost all the letters of the alphabet. I just don’t know Y.
• Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.
• Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.
• I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
• Most people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology. I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
• Mom asked me to put ketchup on the grocery list. Now I can't see anything.
• A magician was walking down the street — then he turned into a store.
• We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.
• I'm reading an anti-gravity book, and I just can't put it down!
• It’s raining cats and dogs, so be careful not to step in a poodle.
• At first, I thought my chiropractor wasn’t any good, but now I stand corrected.
• My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.
• I'd avoid the sushi if I were you — it's a little fishy!
• I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.
• I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting in the middle of identical twins — I couldn’t differentiate between them.
• I decided to sell the vacuum cleaner — it was just gathering dust!
• My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.
• My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!
• Every night, I have hard time remembering something, but then it dawns on me.
• The wedding was so beautiful, even the cake was in tiers.
• I can tolerate algebra, maybe even a little calculus but geometry is where I draw the line.
• I was wondering why the baseball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.
• Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows — they're making headlines!
• Mom says I have no sense of direction, so I packed my bags and right.
• I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.
• My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.
• If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
• I was once a personal trainer, until I gave a too-weak notice.
• I just paid $100 for a belt that doesn’t fit — what a huge waist!
• I finally watched that documentary on clocks. It was about time.
• Can anyone tell me what oblivious means, because I have no idea.
• I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
• I love telling Dad jokes. Sometimes, he even laughs.

And as always have a chilled day from the Viking